Waking up some butterflies, laying others to rest
Most of my summer, prior to my arrival in New Orleans, was dominated by that all too familiar feeling of butterflies fluttering around my in my stomach. Upon leaving New York to go to Wisconsin for college, those trusty butterflies were alive and well. Any time I sat at the airport, waiting to embark on a study abroad adventure, yep, butterflies again. But this summer, as I drove down to New Orleans, the butterflies were different. Harder to quell. Why? I had moved to a strange city before. However, I had never moved to a strange city, about to start my first full time job, and I certainly had never moved to a strange city about to move in with 9 complete strangers.
And now, two weeks later, the butterflies are gone. They have been replaced with palmetto bugs that jump in the air like a child pouncing on a trampoline…one of the joys of New Orleans that I am beginning to handle without hysterics. That fear of moving to a strange city has been replaced with my fond memory of my first second line, spent dancing joyously in the rain with my roommates and fellow New Orlenians. The hesitation about moving in with 9 strangers has disappeared; in its wake are communal dinners, many choruses of “I wanna sing, sing sing”, and the knowledge that when I arrive home, a slew of smiling faces will greet me and ask how my day was.
That trepidation of starting my first full time job at The Roots of Music has also disappeared. It has been replaced with 100 middle schoolers saying “Miss Laura” in unison when they have a question about their homework. This sound has led to a personal realization of what the phrase “Music to my ears” truly means.
I also felt a great fear about how my relationship with Judaism would affect my relationship with my roommates. I have always enjoyed certain holidays, and I love matzah ball soup as much as any New Yorker, but how would that translate to attending Friday night services? What would my roommates who keep kosher think of my passionate love for cheeseburgers? I felt I was bound to be a pariah. In case you haven’t found a pattern, allow me to help. This fear, maybe more than all the others, has vanished. I now realize that this year will be an incredible opportunity to develop my personal relationship with Judaism. I feel confident that, with the help of the extraordinary Jewish community of New Orleans, and my roommates by my side, I will be able to find the right place for Judaism in my life.
The departure of all my fears has, of course, led to the development of new fears. Will I be able to handle living communally, while working full time, and take advantage of everything this city has to offer? Can I actually make a difference in the lives of these children? How can I eat red velvet cake ice cream every day and not go broke? I feel the answer to these questions lies in a poem that a very important person once sent to me. It read:
Wake up butterfly -
It’s late, we’ve got
miles to go together
I may not know where this journey will lead me but I do know that my roommates and I, here in this unparalleled city, have miles to go together. Two weeks in, I think we hit the ground running.
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Barbara said:
I love you!
Barbara